


I want to hold your hand

by roguesdiary



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28891605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguesdiary/pseuds/roguesdiary
Summary: Beau joins Yasha in a quiet, reflective moment.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 2
Kudos: 76





	I want to hold your hand

Bold, swirling grey clouds rolled over the night sky. The sight was enough to give Yasha a fleeting comfort as she sat alone, cross-legged in the snow, pondering. There was a stillness in these cold nights, the crisp air hitting her face, and the distant sound of a fire crackling where the Nein had set up camp. There was a quietness she valued, as quietness had never came easy to her. Though, she didn’t want to admit that she often struggled to find peace, even when nothing immediately demanded her attention. Far too frequently she would think back to those moments with Obann, where her mind battled with her body, where her thoughts screamed out though she was forced into silence, hoping that somebody could hear her behind tear-filled eyes. She never knew if anyone did. She never knew if anyone cried out for her sake. Why would they? But the Nein eventually did save her. Her family.

She breathed in deeply. The chilled air filling her lungs as her eyelids shut slowly. She waited. Exhaled. And waited. Inhaled. Waited some more. Exhaled. She wondered if it would be worth trying to meditate, though admittedly she had never been good at that. Caduceus seemed to do it easily enough, but Caduceus’ mind seemed like a serene garden, starkly different to how she would describe her own. As she took a few more deep, calculated breaths, she paused, suddenly interrupted. Her ears tuning to the sound of crunching snow behind her. Footsteps approaching. Closer, closer. But carefully. Hesitantly.  
Yasha didn’t even need to turn around.  
Beau.

“Hey.”

Yasha’s eyes opened slowly at the greeting from behind her, and she felt a warm, subtle smile cross her lips, “Hey.”  
Beau crouched down next to her, huddled in her thick, grey robes, and carefully placed her gloved hands into the snow as she positioned herself beside Yasha. Yasha’s affectionate eyes met hers, and for a moment, Beau forgot what she wanted to talk about. Beau blinked a few times, and recollected her thoughts with a smirk. 

“Uh, so…” She paused, shaking her head, “So I saw you sitting out here alone and thought…I don’t know. You want company?”  
Her piercing blue eyes were almost illuminated in the moonlight, and Yasha found herself lost in them for a time. Simply looking at Beau caused her heart to beat a little harder, her body to feel a little warmer, her mind to feel a little lighter. She pulled herself away from the moment with a quiet chuckle, almost feeling undeserving of it, and shifted her focus toward the horizon.  
“Yeah,” she answered, as her face began to fall, “Yeah, I was uh…I was just thinking.”  
Beau nodded, noticing Yasha’s sudden change of disposition and drew back, not wanting to overstep.  
Yasha noticed her draw back. She appreciated Beau’s restraint, though she wanted to speak to her. She wanted to tell her more. She wished Beau didn’t need to worry about overstepping. Though Yasha knew her past had meant she often automatically retreated, keeping her cards close to the chest. She had reason to. But she also knew the family she had found were trustworthy. And she meant what she had said in the letter. She knew Beau was a safe place.

“I was thinking about my time with Obann.” Yasha revealed softly.  
Beau’s head dropped, her eyes downcast and her voice gentle, “Oh.”  
“Yeah.” Yasha rested her hands on her knees, her legs crossed and her eyes gazing intensely ahead. Her eyebrows furrowed as she spent a moment thinking about how to express her innermost feelings, “Sometimes my thoughts are very hard to quiet.” 

Beau lifted her head, and began to study Yasha’s face. Yasha had always been enigmatic to Beau, like a mystery that she desperately wanted to unravel. But at the same time, Beau adored the mystery. Because it meant in moments like these, she was being treated to something so few people were shown. The vulnerability of someone so strong, both outwardly and of heart. She couldn’t help but feel like she hung on her every word, as if each further reveal of herself was something to be cherished.  
“I feel like I have gotten better,” Yasha admitted, “But every so often I have these memories that creep up on me.”  
Beau’s eyes grew concerned, “I can imagine it would be difficult.” She paused, trying to find the right words, “Remembering that somebody else had control of your actions for so long, when your mind is…well, your own.”  
Yasha nodded, “Dreaming at night was the only time I felt like myself. It was the only time I had an escape.”

Beau felt her stomach sink. Though she had been through her own trauma in life, she had never felt like her only peace could be found in dreams. There was an aching in Yasha’s voice that permeated through her own body, and all Beau wanted to do was find the right words that could heal those dark memories. But she found herself lost for them. So she silently sat beside her, as a few wordless moments passed.  
Beau shifted her eyes to Yasha’s hand as it rested on her knee. Hesitantly, she reached out, and gently brushed her hand against Yasha’s fingertips. Yasha turned to Beau, responding to her gesture with a meeting of their eyes as she slowly interlaced their fingers and exhaled gently.  
“You know…some of those nights, I dreamt about you.” Yasha whispered, as she rubbed her thumb against Beau’s, “It was comforting.”  
Beau affectionally gazed back at Yasha, before peering down at their interlocked hands, “I was awake some of those nights.” She whispered, “I was waiting for lightning.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just felt like writing a scene that has been swirling around in my mind. I really enjoy exploring the small steps these two are taking in vulnerability.


End file.
